This will probably be one of my most transparent posts. Last night I had a dream. I had a dream where I basically relived my fathers death in present day. I’m not sure if the dream means anything yet, but when I woke up I was messed up emotionally. To relive the worst day of my life was heart wrenching and tormenting.
I got up. (That says a lot right there, but I’ll explain later.) I got up, got dressed and went to class. I ran a lot of errands and during my last errand i stopped at my old job to return something. A lot of my old co-workers were saying that I looked happy, and that I looked great! I got in the car, got something to eat, and drove to my next class. I could feel the anxiety and the weight trying to sneak up on me. I pulled into the parking lot and tears began to flow, on the brink of an anxiety attack I simply said, “No.” During the duration of the day, I texted a friend and told her how much that dream messed me up, and she said all that she could say: “think on other things.” While this statement would’ve angered me five years ago, I simply accepted that this was all there was to offer.
You can’t EXPECT direction from someone who has not been to the location.
I posted in a group I was added to a while ago by a friend that also lost her father, before I even got a response I felt better.
I walked you through my day for this reason:
5 years ago I would have stayed in bed, 5 years ago I would have suppressed the pain, 5 years ago I would have became angry because NO ONE knew the answer, 5 years ago I wouldn’t have sought wise counsel from someone who had been in the same situation, and 5 years ago I would have felt alone because of all of the above.
Today I got up, today I expressed how I felt, today I knew that I could not expect things from people that hadn’t been in that situation, today I sought wise counsel from people that had been in my shoes, today I KNEW that I was not alone.
Feeling down about something? Don’t beat yourself up, keep progressing, find out who’s been through similar situations, KNOW that God will NEVER leave you, you’re never alone.
Most of all, FEEL!!! Your feelings are REAL. If you do not address them and choose to suppress them, they WILL resurface. FEEL and try your hardest to keep going! I felt today, I ran into a bump…but I kept going.