Too Much

I will start off by saying what I’ve seen one of my fellow writers say, just to be clear: I do NOT hate the police, and I understand that not ALL police officers have not used excessive force. I have pretty much kept silent on the Michael Brown situation since August in order to make sure that I respond intelligently, and not emotionally.  However, it is almost impossible for me not to respond emotionally. With that being said, I’ll tell you how I feel and then as I work through that I’ll let you in on what I’ve personally learned.

I am not surprised that no one is being held responsible for the shooting of an unarmed person, especially an unarmed black teenager.  America has clearly shown their view and value of black men (google: “black men killed by police”).  Contrary to what others have expressed, I do NOT believe that this has any reflection on “black on black crime,” or how the black race values themselves.  I say that specifically based on the statistics that 84% of homicides that have killed a white person have been at the hands of another white person, and 93% of homicides that have killed a black person have been at the hands of another black person.  Homicides are usually intra-racial because most people live around people of the same race.  So, I feel like this is an excuse to try to get us to excuse the fact that MULTIPLE unarmed black men have been killed by police.  In response to the outrages that have come against the protests, I want to say that while violence is absolutely unnecessary people have to realize that maybe these people are TIRED of seeing injustice when it comes to situations like this.  I wonder how it would be if the tables were turned?  I am literally OUTRAGED that people could be so ignorant to see this event reoccurring OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again, WITHOUT doing something about it. So, this sums up my feelings about Michael Brown, Tamir Rice, Sean Bell, Eric Garner, John Crawford, Ezell Ford, Dante Parker, Trayvon Martin…should I go on? …ok, Kimani Gray, Kendrec Mcdade, Timothy Standsbury, and in my own hometown Milton Hall.  My point is this: there are many more of these names, and no one is being held responsible.  In studying this issue, white men are much more likely to be apprehended and given a chance at trial whereas black men are executed on sight.

What I’ve learned:

When the prosecutor in Ferguson said that the officer would not be ignited, I was angry, hurt, and angry some more (I still am).  Moved to tears I couldn’t believe that this had happened…again.  The people that are close to me texted me and told me to be the change, even asked me if I wanted to take a road trip to Missouri.  I had lost hope.  I heard God say: you need to pray for the officer.  I didn’t want to, but I did.  The next day I was in my car and I heard:  you and I know that you are an advocate for the underdog, pray.  I still didn’t want to but I did it.  Advocate: a person who pleads for or in behalf of another;intercessor.  Later, I was scrolling down my fb homepage and someone was talking about prayer helping the situation.  Doubt clouded my mind, and God said: “when did you stop believing that I can do the impossible?” So…while still being angry I’ll pray.  I’ll pray that there is more unity in America, I’ll pray that we would not see the police as enemies, but that pictures like these will be seen more:

Tears again. Tears

I’ll pray for my heart to be more compassionate, I’ll pray for the eyes of the ignorant to be opened on both sides of these circumstances, I’ll pray that division and barriers be broken so that we would be able to live peacefully.  Most of all, I’ll pray “help me to believe that you can do it , because my faith isn’t there right now.” Will you pray with me?

As far as literal action…I don’t know where to start.  I DO believe that I’m equipped to change the system, and I’ll do it by being a positive influence  to one person at a time…until my voice can reach more.

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